How does cooperative communication work?

To help you “see” what Cooperative Communication looks like in action, we created a flow chart and some dialogues.  And we have some suggestions of how you can prepare yourself to use cooperative communication in a competitive situation.

If you like flow charts, here is one we created. There are actually two flow charts: one begins with me telling you what I am thinking or feeling, and the other begins with me asking you to tell me what you are thinking or feeling.  These flow charts show you options for how you can respond to each statement or question in a cooperative way, until you sense you are finished with the conversation.

Two people talking to each other.

If you want something that you can use with a partner, here are some dialogues that demonstrate cooperative and competitive communication.

“Talking about money cooperatively”

“Talking about money competitively”

“Talking cooperatively with a manager who is behaving competitively”

“Talking about sex cooperatively”

“Talking about sex cooperatively with a partner who is behaving competitively”

 

Using the Dialogues

There are several ways you can use these dialogues.  You might simply read them and ask yourself, “Do I do this? Is this similar to how I communicate?” 

Or, with a partner, you might read the dialogue, as if it you were on stage and actors in a play.  (Comments in parentheses are meant as notes to the actor or to be read out loud as a way to simply share your thoughts, without the other actor hearing you.) One of you takes part A, the other part B. Then you could share how you are feeling and thinking, and if this dialogue is similar to how you communicate.

And, you might want to switch roles, and read the script that your partner was just reading.  And again share what you are feeling and thinking.

One more option:  you could read the same dialogue several times and use a different tone of voice each time you read it.  For example, you could use a soft, loving and loving voice, or a very neutral, matter-of-fact voice without emotion, or a voice full of anger, fear, sadness, joy, and confidence (depending on the dialogue.)