Scene: at home, late afternoon, in the kitchen

A: (a little nervous) Hey, I would like to talk with you about something. Do have some time tonight?

B: (cautious, slowly) What do you want to talk about?

A: The argument we had last week.

B: (quick, a little loud, firm) I don’t want to have that argument again. So what exactly do you want to say?

A: I would rather not get into it now, we both have things we have before dinner.

B: (pause, a little frustrated/nervous) Okay. When do you want to talk?

A: Let’s say, after dinner, at 8.

B: Okay, yes, I can do that. I can talk with you until 8.30, then I told my sister that I would call her. And that might take a long time. I don’t want to talk after that. Would a half hour be enough for what you want to talk about? 

A: Half an hour? … Let’s try. Maybe it will be enough time.

(8.30)

A: Are you ready to talk now?

B: Yes

A: I would like to tell you how I was feeling last week when we had the argument about the car repairs. Are you open to hearing about what I was feeling?

B: (internal, loud, angry) oh god, not this again. I had to listen to his/her anger last week, and it didn’t get us anywhere!!!!)

Hmmm (pause, deep breath)… I am willing to hear what you were feeling, but I don’t want you to blame me again for wrecking the car, that’s exactly what you said last week.

A: (internal) but you did wreck the car!!!!)

(Pause, deep breath) Okay, I agree to not blame you for wrecking the car. 

B: Okay, then I will listen to how you were feeling. Please tell me.

A: Last week, when I went to pick up the car, I was shocked at how much it cost to repair it. As I drove the car home, I was at angry at you because you were driving the car and had the accident. But after I thought about it, I realized that I have done the same thing before … a couple of times. And then I realized that I was actually scared that we wouldn’t have enough money to pay for the vacation we want to take. I really want to spend some time alone with you, and I felt sad that we might not have the money to get some time away for ourselves.

B: Wow … that feels so much better, when you tell me that you were scared and sad. I can understand that. I couldn’t understand your anger at me, because like you said, you had also had a couple of accidents with the car. Thank you for telling me all of this.  I still have 15 minutes before the call with my sister … I would like to snuggle with you.  Would you like to do that? And let’s see what we can do to save enough money for a vacation.