Scene: at home, evening, sitting on the couch, each looking at their laptops
A: and B: (Neither is talking. They are sitting a meter apart)
A: (still looking at laptop screen) (nervously says) “I would like to say something. Would you be willing to listen?
B: (slowly, insecurely) Yeah.
A: It has been 4 weeks since we had sex. When we first starting dating, we had sex all the time. It seems like you don’t want sex with me. Could I ask you something?
B: (slowly, insecurely) Yeah.
A: What is going on?
B: (silent)
A: I am scared that you are having an affair. Are you?
B: (firmly) No!
A: Okay, thank you for telling me that. (spoken to the “audience”: “I am not sure I really believe what she/he says … my intuition tells me that there is something else … but I will assume for now that she/he is telling me the truth.”) Could I ask again? (with a soft voice) What is going on?
B: I guess I am tired
A: You said that last week, and the week before ….
B: Well, it’s true, I am tired
A: May I ask you something?
B: Yes
A: I would like to understand what you mean when you say you are tired. Would you please tell me more? Maybe give some background about what is causing you to feel tired?
B: (deep breath) Okay. I will try to answer your question. When I say that I am tired, it is true, I am needing more sleep lately. But there is something else, and I have been a scared to tell you about this. Can I tell you something about our sex life that is difficult for me?
A: yes, please tell me.
B: (pauses, takes deep breath). This is scary for me to say, because I am afraid that you will be offended. But since you asked, and want to know, I will tell you: the way you want to have sex is … well, it doesn’t work for me. You want to get wild and play with sex toys and have several orgasms. And that is not what I want. I want to feel connected to you, and I want to feel that you want to have sex with me.
A: (deep breath) That is a little hard to hear. I don’t feel offended, but I feel a little hurt or maybe sad as you say that. I do have lots of energy in bed, and do like having orgasms. I am kind of wild, yes, that is true!
B: (listens, stays quiet)
A: Can I check out something with you?
B: yes.
A: When we were first dating, you said you liked the wild part of me. Were you telling me the truth?
B: Yes, I did like the wild part of you at first. I had never been with someone like you. I was interested, because it was new. But after a while, it stopped being interesting. It got predictable. And I realized I was having sex with you on your terms to please you. I didn’t tell you what I wanted. Now I am telling you – I want to feel connected to you.
A: How should we do that?
B: I don’t know. I just know that the wild sex that you want is not what I want.
A: hmmm. I don’t know what to do.
B: I don’t either. But I am really glad we are having this conversation, even if it is uncomfortable. It brings me closer to you. I feel more connected with you simply because we are sharing feelings with each other.
A: This is new for me – to share feelings like this. And I am glad that you have told me this, it relieves me to hear what you are feeling, even if, like you said, it is uncomfortable to hear this.
B: Thank you for listening and accepting my feelings, and for sharing your feelings with me.