Appreciating Myself and Others

Stroke Theory in Transactional Analysis

About 50 years ago, a man named Eric Berne developed a theory of psychology called Transactional Analysis. One of his beliefs was that all of us need to be recognized for who we are and what we do. He used the word “stroke” to talk about our need for recognition. So, a stroke is a “unit of human recognition.” Berne believed that we would literally die or at least be pretty miserable if we didn’t get the strokes we want and need, or if we kept getting strokes that we didn’t want or need. 

Berne suggested that there are four types of strokes: positive doing, negative doing, positive being, and negative being.

POSITIVE DOING These are strokes we get when likes what we’re doing NEGATIVE DOING These are stokes we get when someone someone doesn’t like what we’re doing
POSITIVE BEING These are strokes we get when likes who we are or something about our essence NEGATIVE BEING These are strokes we get when someone someone doesn’t like who we are or something about our essence

Strokes can be verbal or non-verbal, but they all have the same function:  they’re a form of feedback.  Strokes give us information about other people’s thoughts and feelings about us.  We also give strokes to other people around us, and those strokes give those people information about our feelings and thoughts about them.  And, we stroke ourselves when we say to ourselves, “you did a good job”  or “you really messed up.”  We can reject the strokes that we don’t want (“I’m not in a place to hear what’s you’re saying about me”), and we can ask for the strokes that we want (“Would you please tell me that I did a good job on the project you assigned to me?”)

Usually, people like getting positive strokes – unless they believe that the strokes are insincere or being used to manipulate -- and dislike getting negative strokes – unless there are negative doing strokes that help us do our job by providing important feedback.  Negative being strokes almost always very hurtful, and, over time, destroy our confidence and self-esteem.    For this reason, Berne believed that we should never give negative being strokes to another person – or to ourselves.  So, for example, telling myself, “I am stupid,” is self-destructive.

 

This chart adapted by Cooper Thompson based on the work of Eric Berne and other practitioners of Transactional Analysis.