Who created this website?

We are a diverse group of people who live in and around Nürnberg, Germany. We have been meeting together to learn about, and use, Cooperative Communication for several years.

If you want to see who we are and hear why we are so committed to using Cooperative Communication in our personal and work lives, you can read more here. A few of us are coaches, counselors, and teachers. If you would like to get some personal support in using Cooperative Communication, feel free to contact us.

Anita

One of my biggest learnings from using Cooperative Communication is to sit with whatever it is I am experiencing: whether discomfort, or anger, or sorrow, or inadequacy. Before, I wanted to stuff these feeling in a closet and just move on. Recently, at work, a colleague asked me a question. I felt uncomfortable with her question; I sensed that it was actually a criticism of me. I waited before I responded, felt my reaction, and then was authentic in my response. I told my colleague something like, “if you have a problem with my work, I trust that you will come to me and simply tell me what you are feeling and thinking.”

Cooper

I first learned about Cooperative Communication in 1990. Since then, I have used Cooperative Communication in all aspects of my life. In my work life, I have led groups and coached individuals to use Cooperative Communication. In my personal life, I try to live cooperatively. I want to find ways that we all get our needs met. Even after 30 years of using Cooperative Communication, I am still learning what it means to be cooperative. Sometimes I ignore my own needs, sometimes I don’t notice others’ needs, sometimes I am hard and competitive with others, sometimes I just react emotionally and get pissed off at others. But I would rather be mindful of my needs and others needs and find solutions that work for all of us. I want to live in a cooperative world, not a world where we compete with each other and fight to see who is going to win or lose. to contact me:

Hannah

I use Cooperative Communication to bring new life into old relationships. When I see a pattern or habit that I don’t like in myself or in people I am close to, I try something different. Cooperative Communication has given me the tools to help me understand what I can do differently. Each time I try something new, I feel a sense of internal power that I can change something in my relationships. When that happens, it seems like a new relationship … and in a way it is, because we are communicating differently. I am no longer stuck in my old pattern, and I can see the relationship from a new perspective.

Konstantin

I was skeptical that the cooperative communication process would be anything new. It seems so simple and easy to learn. There are only a few steps. Would there really be something new that I didn't already know? I was all the more fascinated by what happened when someone in our group asked me, "How are you feeling right now?" This question was asked honestly and with interest, he was eager for the answer and ready to just listen to me. I thought for a moment, and then said, "I feel tense and vulnerable." He nodded, and then after a moment, he asked a question I wasn't expecting: "Is there something you need or wish from me right now to help you feel better?" I hesitated, and then answered, "No." I realized that by being able to express the emotion, and that he just listened, and then asked if I needed something … it changed the atmosphere in the room. I thought, “I am allowed to be here with my insecurity and feeling of vulnerability.” When the next question came, "What do you not want to experience in our group today?" He emphasized the “not.” Interesting! Without hesitation, I said, "I don't want to be lectured." He nodded again.

Uwe

I teach in a school where young adults are getting ready to start their careers. In my classes, I try to create a culture where we experience Cooperative Communication. This means for me a culture of openness and appreciation for whatever feelings and thoughts we are carrying around inside us. For example, I ask my students to tell me and their classmates what they want as topics that we can explore together – I create the curriculum with their input. I also ask them what they don’t want, and I take them seriously. In terms of emotions: I share my feelings and ask them to notice, and if they want to, to share their feelings. I try to create a classroom environment where they listen to, and accept, each other’ feelings. And when it comes to their opinions and beliefs, I encourage them to share whatever they are thinking. This can be a challenge for them and for me, because they are a very diverse group, with different political and religious and cultural backgrounds. But if we can create a culture of listening, accepting, and appreciating, then we can share these differences and learn from each other. I often team teach with a female colleague, and we sometimes talk about our differences as man and woman in the class. The students appreciate how open we are with them. Where I struggle sometimes to use and live Cooperative Communication is at home with my family. Although I try to be open and appreciative with my son and daughter and wife, I sometimes fall into old stereotypes as a man, a father, and a husband. I get into arguments about who is right and wrong, I think I know better, I don’t listen to their feelings but instead react with my own feelings. It is hard work sometimes to use Cooperative Communication at home, and yet, when I can use it, then I feel more “at home” with me and with them.

Amanda

Using cooperative communication supports me in staying with my own experience in my body and using that experience to express my feelings, set boundaries of what I don’t want and say what I do want. When I use cooperative communication with others, it is an intimate experiencefor me, because we are all speaking from our direct life experience. I feel centered in me and can be my authentic self. Although I might be a bit nervous to reveal myself, I am so glad that cooperative communication supports me in revealing myself, because it is what I want to do. I want to reveal who I really am.

Chris

My home is Kenya, but I was in Germany for about 6 months, and was lucky to be invited to attend the group that meets monthly to learn about and practice using Cooperative Communication. At the end of the first meeting I attended, I was warmly welcomed by the group. I sensed that I had found a home and an intimate community for the short time I would be in Germany. When I think about what I learned in the short time I attended the group, this is what comes to me: I am an introvert with a lot of things to say. Often, I stop myself from saying what I really want to say, out of fear of what others will think or say about me. Cooperative communication has provided me with a way to say what I need to say to whomever I need to say it … and to do that respectfully and clearly. When I can do that, I feel heard and understood. I don’t know yet how I will use Cooperative Communication here at home. But I want to find a way to bring it into my work and personal life. And to adapt it to this culture, which is so different than what I experienced in Germany.

Dave

In my professional life, cooperative communication enhances teamwork and collaboration. By effectively communicating with my collogues, I can share ideas, provide constructive feedback, and work towards common goals more efficiently. My vision is to have a more harmonious and productive work environment where everyone feels valued and heard. In my personal life, cooperative communication allows me to build stronger and healthier relationships with my loved ones. By actively listening to their perspectives and expressing my own thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner, I can navigate conflict more effectively and foster understanding and empathy… at least that’s the goal, it’s a continuous learning. Although it might seem like cooperative communication works only in live conversations with someone, I use it a lot when I write text messages to my wife. And, I use cooperative communication when I am talking with my three boys (aged 5 to 10), and it works really well for them and me.

Hanne

Cooperative Communication really helps me to connect to my feelings, needs and boundaries. To me, it‘s not only about how to communicate things to others but to understand what’s going on inside me in the first place. Understanding this has been very liberating. Before I learnt about Cooperative Communication I would hold back my feelings, overstep my boundaries, and then have emotional outbreaks at times. This lead to dysfunctional relationships with men and me remaining in work environments that drove me close to burning out. Now, I feel confident to communicate what I don’t want, ask for what I want and let people know how I feel. I’ve made the experience that this is in true service of my relationships. It’s helped me build deeper connection with myself and others.

Tina

When I look back at my previous relationships with men, I realize how scared I was to tell them what I didn’t like. Expressing my anger towards them was hard, it didn’t reach them. I covered up anger by resigning, shutting down, withholding my feelings, but piling up many resentments. Of course, the men played their role, too, and sooner or later our inability to communicate led to separation. With my current partner, I use cooperative communication every day. I tell him what I don’t want, what I do want, and how I am really feeling in our relationship. I make myself visible and vulnerable. That is still new for me, and it feels a little scary at times to show myself. I am fortunate, because he also uses cooperative communication with me. He listens to me and accepts what I say, without judging me. It makes communication so much easier! By communicating with him in this way, I am healing from the pain I felt with other men. I am learning to trust myself, that I can feel and say what I need to. This kind of communication opens up a new level of closeness between us. I am growing as a woman, he is growing as a man. We are growing together. I am so grateful for that.